Emotions, Emotions, Emotions
“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” Those of us who grew up in the 70s know all the episodes of The Brady Bunch well and remember middle daughter Jan spewing out her big sister’s name. Her sister Marcia was getting all the attention and glory, and Jan’s emotions exploded in a fit of jealousy and frustration all over her family, the ones who loved her best.
It’s been a season of unexpected, uncontrollable stress and hurt in my life lately, and with that comes the dreaded “E Word” – Emotions, Emotions, Emotions! They sure can get in the way of creative projects like writing a novel, and they can blow-up relationships, usually with those who love us best. It’s our human condition that comes with being made in the image of God. We’re not robots or animals controlled by instinct. Our human emotions make life beautiful, crazy, and everything in between.
We all have to deal with them, but we handle them differently. Some stuff them. Some act like they don’t have any. Some explode. If I’m honest, the latter is me. Just call me Mount Saint Marilyn or the whistle-blowing bird announcing Fred Flintstone’s Quitting Time. The fallen side of my gift of words means they can erupt out of me with high speed and volume when I’m upset, verbally or in writing. I’m not proud of this, and I’ve been seeking help. They say that when the student is ready, the teacher will come. I’ve had so many teachers lately from so many sources. I thought I would share some of what I’ve been learning in case anyone else is dealing with the power of hard emotions in their life. If you’re not now, save this for later. They are coming for you sometime.
During hard times, including high stress, loss, betrayal, change, and grieving, as I’ve been experiencing, expect high emotions and make time to process, attend, and debrief them. I like the 4 “P’s” to do this:
Paper/Pen - just let your thoughts out as they come.
Pages - books with wisdom to help guide us through
People - your inner-circle besties who know and love you, whom you can trust.
Prayer - no one is better than Jesus to talk to with my head on His shoulder, in my opinion!
Emotions are like the dashboard on our car, like the unwanted “check engine,” “overheat,” or “battery” lights that pop up. Don’t drive and ignore them. Take time to see what’s happening under the hood. Under there are our deepest desires, like wanting to be seen, heard, understood, or respected, or to come through, or a longing for home, peace, protection, or to love and be loved. I’ve learned that these desires can only be satisfied by God alone. If I figure out the deep desire and all that’s at stake in the situation, I can take it to God, keep my heart open, and make much better choices.
We can have our emotions. We don’t even need to change them. However, we don’t need them in the driver’s seat driving our life car. Buckle them in on the passenger side. Let them help navigate the journey, but keep reasoned judgment in the driver’s seat, mastering emotions with CALM as your default setting. That one’s my newest favorite.
Mind the gap. The gap is the few seconds between a stimulus and our response. Learn to take a deep breath (or two or ten) or even a quick little nap to rest and reset our brains if we can get away. There are things outside our control, but we have “response-ability,” the ability to control our response and get a different outcome from that stimulus. Sometimes that response needs to be forgiveness in the gap – the vertical kind you take to God, finding power for that from all we have been forgiven of through Jesus, releasing the offender to Him. He’s the only one who can handle it – and them.
Go to bed and sleep for the night! Feathers get ruffled, and resources get depleted. It’s a scary, fallen, angry world out there. In my 20’s, I used to be frustrated that we had to “waste” all those hours sleeping. Now in the last months of my 50’s, I think, “Thank you, Jesus, I get to check out for a while!” I think of the verse in Lamentations, “In the morning, His mercies are new.” I’ve gone to bed overwhelmed, confused, and mumbling, “His mercies are slap out. Time for bed.” I often wake up in the morning, and the fog has cleared. I see my next steps through.
Set boundaries for repeat offenders that trigger negative emotions. They control MY behavior and choices because I can’t control anyone else’s. Boundaries keep bad out and good in. Example: “You can yell all you want. But I won’t be in the room with you until you stop.”
There is a thought buried under every emotion. Stop to find that first thought. There’s a verse in the Bible that says, “Capture the foxes in the vineyard.” Those first thoughts can be captured with a new truth that starts with “On second thought….” I have found so many second-thought truths in God’s Word.
So that’s seven secrets, a gift from me to you. Seven is the Biblical number for completion and perfection. I have not achieved THAT yet, but I am growing leaps and bounds. Hard times are our best growing times. Please share any secrets that have worked for you. We are stronger together!
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